The moment that things enter into the view of your life, it can be difficult to measure just what effect they'll have on you. Like a map that has traced where you have once been, the key to understanding its meaning sometimes is only revealed as you continue along the journey. With my mission still very vivid in my mind, and with the help of journal entries, I can't help but ponder on certain circumstances I was placed in and begin to see at least a part, if not all, of the bigger picture explaining why things happened the way they did.
It isn't always that you'll have a clear grasp on where your headed until you make that first step of faith and enter into the unknown - but, even then, neither the purpose nor the destination is all known at once. As you contemplate each step, indeed the first one being the hardest, there is always an inherent fear of the unknown. It is, as we know, only a part of our nature.
Life seems to like to take it's many twists and turns. Just when it seems that the road on which we travel in life seems to be a straightaway and looks like a clear shot to the destination we wish to go, a crossroad is then placed along our path. And a few questions must be asked.
Which road should we travel down we would ask? Where will they take me? What are the tasks? Which road will last? Will one bring me to a dead end or simply just another question to ask? Do I even have enough gas?
Sadly, no road map or signs are provided to outline the journey in which we take. At least, I havnt found mine yet. Maybe you can tell me where to find one? But I guess there would be no fun in that then now, would it? To always know where your going to, what your going to be, where your going to end up...
As for me ... well... it seems I've done alright without a roadmap. Now, I'm not saying I wish I couldn't have taken a few different roads and avoided a couple speed bumps that I have encountered along my road of life, thats for sure. But I guess a little tap on the brakes every now and then and a change of direction doesn't hurt.
Let me reassure you that I have a pretty good idea of who I am and where I want to take my life. (At least I have that much going for me) But questions such as how I will be getting to that destination, who it will be with and what else will spring up along my journey, are all questions that can only be answered by driving on and continuing my journey down the road.
But whats to keep me from staying on a marked road? I see no signs. So heck, I might even go create some of my own roads. A little off-roading sounds a bit fun, don't it?
Well... this pitt stop is up for me. Im sure I'll be making a few more up ahead. Im sure of that. But until then...
We like to know where we are going. We want to know how we'll get there. And we need to know that we can make it. Thus, every fear that we have stems from a worry of not knowing.
As I was thinking about my past, I was reminded of a passage I had written following a particularly difficult time in high school where I was doing a lot of worrying. Oddly enough, it carries a strange familiarity to what I was talking about above. However, my thinking between then and now has changed drastically, and it all has to do with the relationship between fear, and love.
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March 9, 2008Life seems to like to take it's many twists and turns. Just when it seems that the road on which we travel in life seems to be a straightaway and looks like a clear shot to the destination we wish to go, a crossroad is then placed along our path. And a few questions must be asked.
Which road should we travel down we would ask? Where will they take me? What are the tasks? Which road will last? Will one bring me to a dead end or simply just another question to ask? Do I even have enough gas?
Sadly, no road map or signs are provided to outline the journey in which we take. At least, I havnt found mine yet. Maybe you can tell me where to find one? But I guess there would be no fun in that then now, would it? To always know where your going to, what your going to be, where your going to end up...
As for me ... well... it seems I've done alright without a roadmap. Now, I'm not saying I wish I couldn't have taken a few different roads and avoided a couple speed bumps that I have encountered along my road of life, thats for sure. But I guess a little tap on the brakes every now and then and a change of direction doesn't hurt.
Let me reassure you that I have a pretty good idea of who I am and where I want to take my life. (At least I have that much going for me) But questions such as how I will be getting to that destination, who it will be with and what else will spring up along my journey, are all questions that can only be answered by driving on and continuing my journey down the road.
But whats to keep me from staying on a marked road? I see no signs. So heck, I might even go create some of my own roads. A little off-roading sounds a bit fun, don't it?
Well... this pitt stop is up for me. Im sure I'll be making a few more up ahead. Im sure of that. But until then...
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Oh, if I could only have seen where I am now four and half years later. That event would not have been so difficult, knowing what I know now.
But that's just it, isn't it?
They say hindsight is 20/20, and I believe it. As you look back, you seem to find that not all things are entirely random or unplanned. As you connect the dots, things begin to make sense. Challenges that once caused you to wonder why you must go through them are no longer viewed as the enemy because they let you grow into something so much stronger.
I'm not sure what map I was missing back then or how I seemingly paid no attention to the many road signs that stood blatantly before me. I received my patriarchal blessing in November of 2007 and believed in prayer and revelation. What more did I need to let me know that I wasn't undergoing this journey alone? I was surprised what I read over. I honestly don't know what led me to believe that at the time.
Thankfully, I have a perfect God who knows what my needs are and grants them in some of the most spectacular ways. I say that with the most humblest of meanings. Who knew that a mission call to Montana, of all the places in the world, would put me on that very path to finding what I've been longing for, and to give to others what they had been searching so hard for? As I put the two together, I stand in awe at how it has all come to be.
Everything that God does has a purpose and it all points us in the direction of eternity.
I still have many fears, and I suppose its because I worry about the things I do not know. But there is one thing I do know. And the scripture which characterizes it has provided me countless comfort and peace, especially now as I venture into the unknown.
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment.." (1 John 4:18)
All I can say is that I have never been happier. I have the best friend ever, and there's no torment in that. This, is love.
I'm not sure what map I was missing back then or how I seemingly paid no attention to the many road signs that stood blatantly before me. I received my patriarchal blessing in November of 2007 and believed in prayer and revelation. What more did I need to let me know that I wasn't undergoing this journey alone? I was surprised what I read over. I honestly don't know what led me to believe that at the time.
Thankfully, I have a perfect God who knows what my needs are and grants them in some of the most spectacular ways. I say that with the most humblest of meanings. Who knew that a mission call to Montana, of all the places in the world, would put me on that very path to finding what I've been longing for, and to give to others what they had been searching so hard for? As I put the two together, I stand in awe at how it has all come to be.
I still have many fears, and I suppose its because I worry about the things I do not know. But there is one thing I do know. And the scripture which characterizes it has provided me countless comfort and peace, especially now as I venture into the unknown.
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment.." (1 John 4:18)
All I can say is that I have never been happier. I have the best friend ever, and there's no torment in that. This, is love.
